I’m sitting on a bench enjoying the crisp mountain air, turning my face toward the warmth of a hazy winter afternoon sun, listening to the scraping sounds of snowboards and skis coming to a stop near a chairlift. I’m having a break after skiing for the first time in 11 seasons; 10 years to the day of my brain hemorrhage.
Skiing has been the last frontier-the last activity I regularly enjoyed previous to my brain injury that I haven’t tried to participate in again. Skiing had been an important part of my winters since I learned to ski at the late age of 19 or so. Mark and I went skiing when we were dating, and continued into our married life. I surprised myself and a few of my instructors when I passed the Ski Patrol exams in the mid-90’s, just a couple years after learning to ski. As a young family, Mark continued to be on the Ski Patrol and skiing was an integral part of our family life. We all continue to laugh at stories of the kids over the years, fun memories of simple, family fun. I couldn’t think of a better way to celebrate today’s milestone anniversary than to try my favorite winter sport again, whether or not I was successful.
The factor that made this day so very special was the support from my family. My daughter and her best friend Ian joined us from Colorado, and of course, my darling Mark, ever supportive of me, and even my dear son texting encouragement to me from Arizona. The quiet triumph I had today as I awkwardly made my way down a couple of green runs was maybe less important than the love I felt from those around me. If there’s a reason I survived my stroke 10 years ago, it was to continue to be a part of their lives and do my best to support and love them in return. I am blessed beyond measure, as cliche as that might sound.
I’ve learned a lot about myself and my body during this last 10 years of recovery. Lately, I find myself wondering if my deficiencies are stroke-related or just part of aging. I’m pretty determined not to let either one stop me. Just this last year, I worked gig jobs, took up paddle boarding and “tennis” for the first time (I’m not very good at the latter) am currently working a seasonal part-time job in a warehouse (10-hour shifts on my feet), took a class at our local community college, and participated in my first art festival. I’ve improved my diet, exercised more, and tried to live each day through the lens of love as much as I can. I’ve had failures too, over the last 10 years. I learned that working a stressful job full-time is too detrimental to my brain health and had to quit. I often have a hard time concentrating and don’t follow through on projects and ideas as much as I used to. I am always, always tired. After my stroke, I experienced what it’s like to almost lose all of oneself, to be totally dependent on others for one’s care. I won’t ever forget what that feels like.
There’s a world of experiences and life out there and I want to do everything I can to truly LIVE. I will always struggle with fatigue, left-side weakness, and minor miscellaneous brain idiosyncrasies that Mark and I have noticed. I would expect nothing less after what happened to me 10 years ago. But today was just one step back to something familiar and beloved. Thank you for sharing it with me. Hurray, I went skiing!




